Narrative

 Monday 27 September 2021

WALT: Add descriptive features to my Narrative

It was a humid sunny day. There was a time traveller called Zack.  Zack had blonde hair and blue eyes, He always had circle glasses and hated fitness. Well, his kitten, named Bow, Was more fit and hated cat food so he preferred Zack's food, Bow was brown with white patches on him.  Zack had finally worked out where he wanted to travel. To a wonderful Tropical island, Zack knew there were Cheetahs that might have wanted to bite his face off but he would take the risk only because his three sisters Hannah,  Erin and Ellery had gone to a tropical island.   Zack was quickly going in the time traveller thing when Bow leaped in there without him knowing, the cat was meowing because he was starving. Zack had realised Bow was there, But it was too late Bow had to be on this adventure.  When he arrived he straight away set up camp for the night Zack had packed: Delicious pancakes for breakfast, Steak for Dinner, pillow and a blanket.  It had become sunset and Zack had had dinner so he decided to have a rest and have an adventure in the morning.   Bow had woken up and he was starving so he woke up Zack.  Both Bow and Zack had breakfast and were all ready for their walk.  Hours past Bow had spotted an enormous CHEETAH that looked very hungry.

Bow started meowing and meowing but Zack angrily shouted “Bow you just had breakfast. I wish I never let you come here and go to the time machine!!!”  Bow pretended to go back but he was worried about Zack so Bow carried on walking.  Later Zack decided to head back and when he turned around he saw the CHEETAH, The cheetah had not seen him so he quickly played dead with hope that the cheetah thought he was dead.  Soon the cheetah had left and Zack rowed away to  the campsite.  When Zack returned he saw Bow happily licking himself  Zack was raving when he saw Bow.  All night Zack was terrified knowing that the Cheetah was on the island.  Early in the morning Zack told bow “we're going to go soon.”  But the time machine was making a weird noise.  Zack tried to fix it but it was no hope they now had two problems: The Cheetah, The time machine was broken and they had no food.  All day Zack was working on the machine well Bow was catching food.   After two hours of working on the time machine Zack had fixed it he yelled “we're going home!!!”  Bow ran to Zack with excitement.

They both quickly hopped in the time machine and went home.  Now they think of where they go.

Self Assessment

I improved my writing by:

• Doing conversation marks properly 

• Doing two spaces after a full stop

• Proofread better

To improve in next time 

• Use better words 

• Add more comers

• To do Show not tell